I Haven’t Always Been A Liberal

I wasn’t always on the liberal side. On one of my most recent Facebook posts, in which I shared a post from Occupy Democrats, I got a comment from one of my former high school teachers asking if I ever criticized Barack Obama when he was president. I was about to reply back, but it couldn’t let me, because the person that started the comment thread blocked me. And then I realized that there was so much that I’ve been itching to say for a long time, so I’m going to use this opportunity to put in my response.

 

I haven’t always been on the liberal side. And yes, I have criticized Barack Obama in the past. I’ve had Timehop remind me about those times that I have criticized Barack Obama on Facebook, which sometimes makes me wonder why I criticized him in those statuses in the first place. But believe it or not, there has been a factor that tied in to all of that. In 2008, I was at the legal age of voting, and I got to vote for the upcoming 2008 Presidential Election. When I finally registered to vote, I decided to vote register myself into the Republican party. To tell you the truth, I kind of did that in vain. I only registered as a Republican because a lot of my good friends in high school were more on the Republican or conservative side, and I just wanted to fit in. My faith in God was getting stronger as I was going to a non-denominational school, and I thought being a conservative Republican was something that a lot of Christians like to do. And besides, I’m a resident in Louisiana, one of the most conservative-leaning states in the United States. We have college football tailgates as the center of our city. We blast country music through our speakers, even though nowadays, it’s hard to consider it all country music. We go on fishing trips, even if it means going to another state to do it. We have a very strong passion in the food that our state is known for. We drink alcohol way more than we should. We fear that the repeal of the Second Amendment is going to put a damper on our upcoming hunting trip. That’s how much Louisiana is a conservative state. Thus, on Election Day, I voted for the Republican candidate John McCain. 

But in all honesty, not only have I rooted for Barack Obama more than John McCain, but I’ve always been more of a Democrat-leaning person. I believed Barack Obama was a better candidate for the Oval Office. I was a strong supporter of Al Gore, that I got my mom to vote for him in 2000. I even voted for Barack Obama in 2012 while still a registered Republican. The only time I truly rooted for a Republican was in 2004, when George W. Bush was up for reelection. I mainly wanted to see a current President keep his seat at the Oval Office, but I felt that for the mistakes that he made, he did have a few moments that he did right. And if I’m being honest, Howard Dean kind of made the Democrats look bad that year.

So, back to Barack Obama for a minute. I have criticized him in the past for reasons that I wish I could remember. However, I still liked the guy. Sure, he didn’t always succeed, but not one time did I think he was doing a bad job. Remember, a President’s administration is, more often than not, only as good as its Congress. Barack Obama was dealing with a Senate with a Republican majority that really had it out for him. And it didn’t help matters that he once had a blubbering mess like John Boehner as Speaker of the House. So during the first few years of Obama’s administration, I was concerned that he was going to let me down, as well as most of us that believed he would provide that hope. Looking back on it now, he really did do a lot that delivered on that promise. Sure, we expected him to fix everything with a quick snap of the fingers. But when Osama bin Laden was finally caught and killed, it clicked to me that no one, not even a President, can change things overnight. It has to take some time to get there. He even said on the night that bin Laden got killed that, “The cause of securing our country is not complete.  But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to.” In a way, that’s the biggest part of his legacy. He couldn’t get there overnight, but with the time he needs, he could get there, and he eventually did. Most of the times that I criticized Obama was just to fit in with the people that I knew, but not one time did I hate him for being an African-American. Sure, I’ve had a few racist moments at a young age, but I was not in the right environment at that time. I never thought that Obama shouldn’t be President because he was an African-American. I think people of any minority can be President as long as they’re truly American.

In the next couple of years, I tried going a more independent route, because at the time, the political environment got a little exhausting. The two parties each had their own opposing beliefs, and it was hard to tell which side was right or wrong. The Republican party was turning into a joke, and while I became 100% on Barack Obama’s side toward the back half of his term, I was skeptical of what was going to happen with Hillary Clinton coming back for another shot at the presidency in 2016. When it came to the 2008 Democratic primaries, I was 100% for Obama and 100% against Hillary. My biggest turnoff with Hillary was that she was too polarizing of a character. I felt that she was way too strong of a personality and way too power-hungry. It didn’t have anything to do with the controversies that surrounded her (or even her husband). So I had no idea where my vote was going to lean for in 2016, and yet, I still maintained my status in the Republican party.

Then, in 2015, Donald Trump announced, after years of teasing everyone about the idea, that he was going to run for President of the United States. I am not a fan of Donald Trump, and I haven’t been for quite a while. My first opinion of Trump as a kid was that he’s a rich schmuck, and nothing else. I did take a liking to Donald Trump when he started doing The Apprentice. Back then, he was calm, he had a sense of humor, he was a pretty humble, and he cared a lot more back then. I remember during that time, I bought one of his books and read more than the part where he talked about The Apprentice, I watched several entertainment specials about his life that painted him in a deceptively positive way. I repeated the phrase “You’re fired!” at least once a day. This was an odd period in my life, but I thought there was a lot more to like about Trump than I assumed. Once we got to around the end of 2006 and the beginning of 2007, though, I saw the real Donald Trump stand up the moment he attacked Rosie O’Donnell after she mocked him on The View. The hosts were talking about him letting Tara Conner maintain her role as Miss USA following her addictions came to light. All Rosie did was imitate his voice and mocked his hairstyle, and Trump decided to call her “fat”, “unattractive”, and “a loser”, all over a simple parody. While at the time, I did think Rosie’s imitation was a little extreme, the truth is that he was already a very easy character to joke about. He has a ridiculous combover, he obsesses over gold, he puts his name on a lot of things, and he has had more bankruptcies and divorces than I can count on both hands. As with a lot of jokes made about Trump pre-2007, Rosie’s imitation was just all in the fair art of lampooning. The way that Trump took it showed that he is too thin-skinned and vindictive. After that, my interest in him started to decrease. He continued on about his hatred towards Rosie. He started more rivalries with others. He said outlandish things. He ruined The Apprentice, then cancelled it, then said that it wasn’t cancelled, then said that it’s going to be revamped with celebrities. The further that it went, the more I felt that he may not be a good person. It’s tragic to think about how Rosie suffered during that time, because the reason so many of us gravitated more to Trump’s side was that he had the bigger amount of wealth, fame and power. If the media were more open to call out Trump on his vicious tactics, he never would’ve gotten away without suffering any consequences. And my main problem with Trump from 2007 to 2015 was that he was doing and saying all these bad things, trying to pick fights with some people and making questionable decisions (such as starting a debate on Obama’s birth certificate), and the majority of America let him continue on without any repercussions.

So now, we come to 2015, as he announces his presidential campaign, and all the problems immediately start in that announcement speech when he called Mexicans “rapists” and wanted the country to pay for a wall that he would build on the border. Now, I’m not fully aware of the crime going on in Mexico. There could be some that are doing what he thinks they do. But in his wording, he was indicating that all Mexicans were rapists that bring nothing but drugs and crime. The likelihood of every Mexican doing just one of those things is realistically impossible. But with Trump, when he sees just one person do that, he’ll take it out on the rest of that demographic. Back in my middle school and high school days, I was very drawn into American History and World History. I picked up on the wars, the tensions, the conflicts, the slavery, and the tyrants at a very young age, and I could easily see Trump’s presidency getting grouped with those stories in the textbooks. And as a person that has struggled with anxiety in the past, I didn’t like where Trump was going with his campaign. I wanted to be on the side that guaranteed that Trump would fail his campaign. But it got worse. In the first Republican primary debate, he made a sexist comment so disturbing that it put me in the unforgiving position of taking the side of a Fox News anchor. He proposed a shutout of Muslims in the United States over a belief that may be less completely accurate than his belief about Mexico. He bragged about not losing supporters if he were to shoot someone. He made inappropriate, inaccurate comments about his competitors. And as someone living with Asperger’s Syndrome, which is one of many disabilities, I did not appreciate his mocking of a disabled reporter, which definitely makes Rosie mocking a rich, overweight, self-centered man look like a roast given by a friend. And yet, his campaign didn’t end. He won most of the primaries, insulted his opponents out of the race, brainwashed so many people even outside the Republican party, and just rode his way to the nomination, as well as the presidency.

Even as his campaign prospered, I still didn’t change my party affiliation, because there were still some good Republicans in that party, and I still truly believe there are some  good Republicans out there today. There were definitely some that didn’t approve of Trump and didn’t want him becoming the Republican nominee, let alone the President. The only reason they settled for that compromise was for the party itself. They wanted to take the White House back from the Democrats. They definitely had vendettas against the people in that party. And it did pain me to see some people who apply to that conservative ideology choose Trump. It did hurt to see most Christians and evangelists buy into Trump’s Christian beliefs, even though I could challenge Christians to name at least one of the Ten Commandments that he’s kept or at least one of the seven deadly sins that he hasn’t committed. It did hurt to watch some of my friends lean toward him, even though they are way better than that. And it did hurt to see my family members not follow my pleas to choose someone else. Trump was so toxic to the political field that, as someone leaning toward an independent stance that year, I wanted to root for and support any candidate other than him. Of course, when he slowly became the Republican nominee, I looked at the Democratic primaries. With my feelings about Hillary Clinton in 2008 still lingering, I supported Bernie Sanders through and through, as I didn’t think that Hillary stood a chance against Trump. Of course, Hillary became the front-runner. But as the primaries went on, and they went into countless debates, I saw some of Bernie’s ideologies start to rub off on her, and it made her a better, more-trustworthy candidate. Say what you will about how the Democratic primaries went down in 2016, but Bernie and Hillary were uniting over the fact that they both had a common enemy, and they agreed that Trump was going to be a disaster. When Hillary did that pitch about Trump’s ideology being a disaster to the country that was founded on beliefs very opposite from his, I knew that I could vote for her in the election. Whether you agreed with her ideas or not, they were way better than what Trump had in mind. Whether you believed the “controversies” surrounding her or not, it didn’t make me more angry at her than him. And the difference between Hillary’s controversies and Trump’s controversies was that no one could provide legitimate proof linked to Hillary. With Trump’s controversies, he could not only brag about it like an mindless idiot, but someone could trace back to a past situation that would prove him guilty. Heck, even though George W. Bush wasn’t the brightest bulb, he had way more class and integrity than this guy. The way that I saw the 2016 election, it was never an unlikable candidate versus an unlikable candidate. It was an unlikable candidate versus everyone else. So once the two main candidates were confirmed, I was ready to stand with Hillary no matter what. And even with that, I still didn’t officially leave my affiliation with the Republican party.

So when did I do that? It was after the Access Hollywood tapes got leaked, where in 2005,  Donald Trump bragged about sexually advancing himself onto women to the point where, because he was a star, he could inappropriately touch them in sacred areas. That was the tipping point, because as someone that is 100% against misogyny of any kind, this was not something that you should do as a man. Whether he did it or not, just bragging about having the ability to do it crossed a line. And sure, I haven’t been mistake-free when it comes to women, but I care about wanting to fall in love with a woman so much that I always learn from those mistakes and avoid repeating them. The Republicans had the opportunity to disqualify him in the race and cut all ties with him at that moment. They even had way too many opportunities to do that before that. But the fact that they didn’t confirmed which side of the line that they were going to stand on. Donald Trump lacks all morals, cares about very few things other than himself, has been dishonest, has been greedy, has been insulting toward many people, has been unafraid to cheat and manipulate his way to power, shows no compassion, has done very bad things, and has proposed an ideology that not only goes against the purpose of America, but has every founding father rolling in his grave right now. I could not, in my good conscience, remain registered in a political party when I refused to vote for someone like Donald Trump.

Looking back, the only explanation as to how Donald Trump became President of the United States is that he’s a businessman who figured out a way to apply a marketing approach to his campaign. He figured out his demographic audience like a business figures out the field of consumers who would buy their products. He pitched his campaign to them like a door-to-door salesman pitches his scam of a product. He took the money from innocent people that believed him and just laughed all the way to the bank. The White House is not Wall Street. Politics isn’t supposed to be a place where you can profit off a deceptive deal, dismantling medical aid, or pulling out of international agreements. You need to find ways to keep up with the changing times, improve life for the citizens that live in this country, and have a friendly connection with the rest of the world. Donald Trump either failed to know about it, or he just ignored it all completely. He may get politics, but he doesn’t understand it.

Currently, I’m an independent voter with no party affiliation, although I’ve leaned more to Democrats as a result of the 2016 election. For me, this isn’t about liberal versus conservative. It’s about right versus wrong. If there’s a good Republican candidate in the future, I’ll consider voting for them. To really describe how I turned out this way, it’s really came down to growing up and developing a better sense of wisdom and knowledge. When I first became a Republican, I was becoming a devout Christian. Nothing changed in my religious beliefs. They actually became stronger, because I understood the bigger picture. Believing in the word of God is only half of Christianity. You also need to understand how Jesus lived, because God didn’t just send his only begotten son to die on the cross. He sent him to share the Gospel and the Scriptures, teach people how to love one another as neighbors, and let people know that your sins can be forgiven as long as you believe that Jesus is the Savior of your sins and everyone else’s. I feel that those lessons are more relevant to the Democratic ideology than they do to the Republican ideology.

Like religion, politics is a topic that’s too touchy to talk about without getting into a debate about it. I hate having to lose friends over it, even though it inevitably happened in some cases. There are unfortunately some things that I can’t avoid keeping silent about, because these are things I strongly believe in. You don’t have to agree with me on it, but I’ll always love and care about those that I personally know in my life, whatever they believe in, even when it comes to politics. With the situation that our society is in at this time, the last thing I want to do is to lose a friendship over opposing views.

A Boy Named Charlie Brown – Movie Review

November 2015 is shaping up to be a big month for the Peanuts comic franchise. It marks the 65th anniversary of the debut of the Peanuts comic strips, it marks the 50th anniversary of the classic Charlie Brown Christmas special, it marks the release of the Peanuts Movie, and there are so many occasions coming up that make me want to view Peanuts cartoons. So this month, I’m reviewing a Peanuts movie and TV special every day in November.

With only one day until The Peanuts Movie comes out, I’m writing about the first big-screen adventure the Peanuts gang took for today’s review: the 1969 animated feature, A Boy Named Charlie Brown. This is where the unfortunate characteristics of our hopeless protagonist, Charlie Brown, are on full display. The beginning features every unlucky situation he’s ever used to. He can’t fly a kite, he can’t win a baseball game, and he can’t kick a football. The one person that loves to mock him of his shortcomings, Lucy Van Pelt, suggests that he not necessary suffers from a lack of luck, but rather from a lack of confidence. Taking her advice into consideration, he ends up winning a class spelling bee, and the next thing he knows, he’s traveling to New York to compete in a national spelling bee. The wonderful thing about Charlie Brown is that he resembles a lot of hopeless people with a lack of confidence out there, and I’ve definitely been in these similar situations many times. This makes A Boy Named Charlie Brown that more special, because on top of its colorful animation, funny writing, original sound effects, and charming soundtrack, its story aims to make our hero relatable to as many of us as possible and provide a little hope for us in the most downer situations.

 

You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown – Review

November 2015 is shaping up to be a big month for the Peanuts comic franchise. It marks the 65th anniversary of the debut of the Peanuts comic strips, it marks the 50th anniversary of the classic Charlie Brown Christmas special, it marks the release of the Peanuts Movie, and there are so many occasions coming up that make me want to view Peanuts cartoons. So this month, I’m reviewing a Peanuts movie and TV special every day in November.

Since I didn’t have an opportunity to watch it on the first day of the month, which was the day after Halloween, I decided to review the classic 1966 TV special, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown for yesterday. I didn’t realize until later that yesterday was Election Day, so today’s review, which was originally going to be on Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown, is instead going to be on the 1972 TV special, You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown. What few people realized that this was adapted from a previous Peanuts comic with almost the same setup. In that comic, Linus runs for Student Body President with Charlie Brown as his running mate, and he blows it after he talks about the Great Pumpkin in his campaign speech. Though this special changes a few things from that comic, it successfully extends its story origin into a 25-minute special. It starts out with Charlie Brown learning about the upcoming Student Body President Election. His friends try to convince him to run, but he is doubtful of his chances of winning. Charlie is soon proven right, as Lucy reveals that he has zero chance of receiving any votes. Still interested in having one of their own in the race, the gang convinces Linus to run for Student Body President. He actually ends up with a great chance of winning, until it is almost jeopardized during the final debate, when he talks about the Great Pumpkin in his campaign speech. The funniest part is when Charlie Brown (not his running mate here, as none of the candidates have one) and Lucy both have a rare moment of mutual agreement as they yell “AAUGH!” at Linus’s Great Pumpkin speech.

What’s truly interesting about this special is the time period it came out in. The airing of this special coincided with the upcoming 1972 US Presidential Election. Richard Nixon ended up getting elected for a second term, which was publicly plagued by the Watergate scandals. Though there are no actions of illegal taping in the story, there are some moments of political satire that play out cleverly, especially in the end. Overall, it’s a great political-themed special and one of my favorites.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown – Review

November 2015 is shaping up to be a big month for the Peanuts comic franchise. It marks the 65th anniversary of the debut of the Peanuts comic strips, it marks the 50th anniversary of the classic Charlie Brown Christmas special, it marks the release of the Peanuts Movie, and there are so many occasions coming up that make me want to view Peanuts cartoons. So this month, I’m reviewing a Peanuts movie and TV special every day in November.

Since I didn’t have an opportunity to watch this one on the first day of the month, which was the day after Halloween, I decided to review the classic 1966 TV special, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Like the Charlie Brown Christmas special one year earlier, this special also centers itself around a national holiday. This time, it’s Halloween. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is one of my favorite TV specials ever, because it’s a lot more comedic. You know how during some holidays, adults pass on to kids stories about these imaginary characters that give gifts to good kids (like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny), and they make them believe that those imaginary characters actually exist? Have your parents made you believe that there’s a Great Pumpkin that gives toys to good kids every Halloween? No, they never did that. No one does that. That’s not how Halloween works for kids. Every Halloween, kids dress themselves up in costumes, go around the neighborhood, and receive candy from their neighbors. Linus, on the other hand, made himself believe that there’s a Great Pumpkin that gives toys to good kids every Halloween. So this special features him waiting out in a pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin. That’s the thing that makes this a great special, because it sets him up for the hilarious outcome when the Great Pumpkin never appears. In the Peanuts universe, Halloween is the only day of the year where one of the kids is a bigger fool than Charlie Brown. And all he got is rocks.

Snoopy, Come Home! – REVIEW

November 2015 is shaping up to be a big month for the Peanuts comic franchise. It marks the 65th anniversary of the debut of the Peanuts comic strips, it marks the 50th anniversary of the classic Charlie Brown Christmas special, it marks the release of the Peanuts Movie, and there are so many occasions coming up that make me want to view Peanuts cartoon. So this month, I’m reviewing a Peanuts movie and TV special every day in November.

Today’s review coincides with Snoopy receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, so I took a look at Snoopy’s biggest role in the 1972 animated movie, Snoopy, Come Home! The highly-popular beagle has a knack for fitting in with the gang. He’s a dog that likes to live like humans do. However, he’s having a little trouble going to public places that don’t allow dogs. On top of that situation, as well as the poor mistreatment from the others, he ditches town to visit his hospitalized pen pal, Lila. It is revealed that Lila is not only his pen pal, but she was also his previous owner before Charlie Brown came along. This movie not only provides a little of the iconic beagle’s background, but it also teaches a lesson that dogs are a lot like humans and they need the same amount of love and attention from their owners.

Play It Again, Charlie Brown – REVIEW

November 2015 is shaping up to be a big month for the Peanuts comic franchise. It marks the 65th anniversary of the debut of the Peanuts comic strips, it marks the 50th anniversary of the classic Charlie Brown Christmas special, it marks the release of the Peanuts Movie, and there are so many occasions coming up that make me want to view Peanuts cartoon. So this month, I’m reviewing a Peanuts movie and TV special every day in November.

To kick it off, I’m reviewing the 1971 TV special, Play It Again, Charlie Brown. Today, I happened to watch a lot of Peanuts specials. Yet I didn’t watch the Great Pumpkin special, even though yesterday was Halloween. So I decided to review this one for today. This one is a lot more centered around young piano prodigy, Schroeder. He spends a lot of time playing in the style of Beethoven, which attracts a few of his friends, especially Lucy. Since Schroeder has never returned the same feelings she has for him, Lucy tries to win him over by having him play at the PTA meeting. The catch is, he has to perform rock music in a band with Charlie Brown, Pigpen and Snoopy. Though the Peanuts rarely make pop culture references, this special has some clever commentary about musicians selling out in order to achieve wide recognition, and Schroeder decides to stick to his guns in the end. It’s a lesson that still feels relevant with today’s music industry.

Vampire’s Kiss – Movie Review

Nicolas Cage is pretty much the master of insane acting. Yet, with Vampire’s Kiss, this is the movie that makes you want to ask him, “What is your major malfunction?” His character supposedly gets bitten by a vampire, and he begins to believe he’s becoming one. We almost buy into it until he’s taking a shower in one scene, he invites a vampire in, and we see no one else other than Cage. It becomes evident that Nicolas Cage is a complete moron. He basically spends the entire movie acting silly, screaming like a maniac, and abusing his secretary. The writing doesn’t make matters better. There’s no explanation what he’s suffering from, why he thinks he was bitten by a vampire, or if he was even bitten by anything at all. This movie is nothing but nonsense.

Score: 53/100

Recommendation: As stupid as it is, this movie does get a recommendation, considering it justifies Cage’s reputation of acting like a lunatic.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water – Movie Review

Year: 2015

Director: Paul Tibbitt

Writers: Stephen Hillenburg, Paul Tibbitt

Producer: Paul Tibbitt, Mary Parent

Actors: Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Mr. Lawrence, Antonio Banderas

Genre: Family/Animation/Comedy

Studio: Paramount

Let’s try this again.

People have had many complicated relationships with other people throughout their lives. Most of the time, those relationships are going to become irreparable when it gets too damaged. For me, I’ve had my share of those. You should never talk about those on the Internet, where anyone can see it. I will talk about one of them here, because it has to do with SpongeBob SquarePants.

This is a cartoon that premiered on Nickelodeon in 1999. Admittedly, I enjoyed it in the beginning. Why wouldn’t I? I was 9 back then. Nickelodeon was one of the only five networks I watched during that time, and if that show was a Nicktoon, you bet I was going to tune in.

Of course, in 2004, I was going into high school and growing out of Nickelodeon. So I began to drift away from the shows on Nickelodeon, and I wasn’t too invested in watching Drake & Josh. Even with that, I wasn’t prepared to hate The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie so much. It not only turned me away from SpongeBob SquarePants, but it also revealed and exploited every problem with the show as a whole. It was repetitive, obnoxious, idiotic, childish, and absolutely painful. This was where the SpongeBob SquarePants franchise jumped the shark. Sure, it did make a lot of money, and it kept the show going. SpongeBob SquarePants is now the longest-running program on Nickelodeon and it continues to gain popularity in reruns, merchandising, and Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards victories. However, all the problems with the movie were carried over into all the subsequent episodes. If you ask anyone that has ever watched the show, they will all tell you that every episode post-2004 has sucked. You’d get the same answer from me. I have a 9-year-old sister that watches SpongeBob, and the only time I’ve ever watched it is when I’m at home and she has it on. When that happens, I go into hate-watch mode, even when that episode airs again on reruns.

At the turn of the decade, SpongeBob has declined in ratings, and some live-action teen shows like iCarly, Big Time Rush, and Victorious overtook it as the most popular shows on Nickelodeon. While it remained the network’s flagship show, it couldn’t keep up with the rising popularity of iCarly, Big Time Rush, and Victorious. Not to mention, a lot of people caught on to the fact that it is garbage now. This year, after all those shows ended and the network’s current live-action teen-oriented content has struggled to catch on, SpongeBob is back on top at Nickelodeon, so the producers decided to seize the opportunity by making another SpongeBob movie. I practically skipped going to see it in the theaters, given my hatred for the show and my initial opinion of the previews. But now that it is out on video, and I had recently witnessed the outcome of the last time a sequel to a Nicktoon movie was released in theaters, I caved in and checked out The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water. Is there anything good in it?

Yeah. You can say that. The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water did exceed my expectations, given there was hardly any. It’s a very exciting adventure that challenges most of the characters and creates heroic storylines. Not to mention, it did a lot better in the animation than what I anticipated. I can’t say that it’s a great film, but it’s an improvement over the first SpongeBob movie, and I can’t really hate it.

Score: 61/100

Recommendation: SpongeBob fans and anyone curious to see if this show has a future can do worse than Sponge Out of Water.

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie – Movie Review

Year: 2004

Director: Stephen Hillenburg

Writers: Derek Drymon, Tim Hill, Stephen Hillenburg, Kent Osborne, Aaron Springer, Paul Tibbitt

Producer: Stephen Hillenburg, Julia Pistor

Actors: Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Alec Baldwin, Scarlett Johansson

Genre: Family/Animation/Comedy

Studio: Paramount

There are times when kids television shows want to branch their businesses further in order to make more money. Sure, merchandising is always the most efficient way to go, but right now, I’m here to talk about the moment when the show puts out an hour-and-a-half movie. Some of those movies can either successfully keep the franchise growing more, or they can tremendously destroy it and mark the beginning of the end for a show. It’s a tricky situation, but the move never ends well for cartoons on Nickelodeon, otherwise known as Nicktoons.

The financial outcome of the movie has always been a make-or-break situation for a Nicktoon’s future. Hey! Arnold did a theatrical movie in 2002, and it did terrible with critics and audiences. The Wild Thornberrys also had a movie that was released in 2002, and it experienced a similar outcome. Rugrats, which was once the biggest show on Nickelodeon, did a trilogy, and it eventually drove the show to its demise (The first two movies were good; the third one blew chunks). After Rugrats went on the decline, the new biggest show on Nickelodeon became SpongeBob SquarePants. Premiering on Nickelodeon back in 1999, the show starred its title character, a happy sponge that lives in an underwater town called Bikini Bottom. His friends include absent-minded best friend Patrick Star, money-hungry boss Mr. Krabs, land squirrel Sandy Cheeks, pet snail Gary, grumpy next-door neighbor Squidward Tentacles, and sometimes nemesis Plankton.

It took the top spot on Nickelodeon around its second year, and it hasn’t looked back since. Its ratings have been constantly big, the merchandise has grossed billions of dollars, the syndicated airings are everywhere, and it has a huge award collection, including 6 Annie Awards, 2 Daytime Emmys, and 12 of the past 13 trophies for Favorite Cartoon at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. The bad news is that most of the SpongeBob episodes are absolutely terrible in content. I am not a SpongeBob fan whatsoever. While Rugrats was a perfect show for kids and adults, The Wild Thornberrys featured brilliant characters and voice actors, and Hey! Arnold had morally positive messages that hold up even stronger 20 years later, SpongeBob SquarePants has annoying, unbearable, idiotic, childish characters with no redeeming qualities. So how does a supposedly kind, harmless, friendly sponge bother me in the worst way possible?

Well, I have the 2004 movie to thank for that. The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie is not only terrible, but it also reveals and exploits every problem with the show as a whole. It’s repetitive, obnoxious, idiotic, childish, and absolutely painful. Those traits that I used to describe the show and its characters have always been present in its early years. Back then, it wasn’t a big problem. You can overlook those qualities because that’s part of its humor. It never has any intention to harm anyone, it has charm and personality, it can benefit the story in some of the episodes, it can even spur a hilarious joke sometimes, and quite frankly, it was too stupid to hate. Those qualities were okay back then. Here, they are all at maximum level, and you begin to realize that these characters are terrible people, even for non-human cartoons.

Score: 2/100

Recommendation: None

 

Pinocchio (2002) – Movie Review

Year: 2002

Director: Roberto Benigni

Writers: Roberto Benigni, Vincenzo Cerami

Producer: Gianluigi Braschi

Actors: Roberto Benigni

Genre: Family/Fantasy/Comedy

Studio: Miramax

Where do I begin?

Pinocchio is one of the most iconic fairy tale characters of all time. He debuted in the 1883 children’s novel, The Adventures of Pinocchio, written by Italian writer Carlo Collodi. He was a young, wooden puppet made by Geppetto, a woodcarver from Italy who wanted to make the son he never had. Upon creation, Pinocchio came to life and was able to walk and talk like a real boy. Because of that, he made it his dream to become a real boy. He would have his problems, like his nose would grow if he told a lie. However, with the help of a talking cricket he befriends, Pinocchio proved himself worthy and received his wish in the end.

The Adventures of Pinocchio has been adapted many times over the past 132 years. One of the most beloved adaptations came from Disney’s 1940 animated classic, Pinocchio. It is a timeless movie that has been passed down to every generation. There was no need for anyone to top that adaptation in film.

Unfortunately, in the source material’s country of origin, one filmmaker wanted to make a movie on Pinocchio from an Italian’s perspective. To do a remake of a movie that was made in America, but was based on a story from your country, is okay to do. Just keep it in your country. Roberto Benigni’s Pinocchio didn’t. Released in 2002, Pinocchio was the most disasterous adaptation to ever come to the United States. It got slaughtered by everyone, it only made $3 million in the box office, and it received 6 Razzie nominations. Where do I begin explaining this atrocity?

Let’s start with the director himself, Roberto Benigni, who also plays the title character. Roberto Benigni grew up on the talents of Charles Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and Peter Sellers, and he became recognized as an improvisational actor who eventually developed a career in directing. Now, he was never a bad talent. He was in great Jim Jarmusch movies like Down by Law and Night on Earth, and his turn at acting/directing/writing in the Oscar-winning 1997 movie, Life Is Beautiful, showed he was capable of doing a movie right. In Pinocchio, Roberto does everything wrong. Not just the movie, but also the representation of the source material.

Here, we have a FIFTY-YEAR OLD Roberto Benigni playing a boy character! The thought of it doesn’t even work. As he tries to take on this iconic character, he forgets that his age difference isn’t going to make anyone take this performance seriously. Sure, some adults have gotten away with playing younger fairy tale characters. But Pinocchio is a BOY, and a BOY is in the range of 2 to 12 years old! Even worse, he isn’t even made to look like a wooden puppet. He’s already looking like someone in human form. It’s like having a cat play Lassie or the Tin Man dressed up in rubber. This kind of costume and makeup design is something you can only get away with in middle school plays. Even worse, his acting here is way too childish and clownish. It resembles some of Robin Williams, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, and Adam Sandler’s worst performances ever. Sure, it’s a children’s movie, but for an Oscar-winner in the Best Actor category, Roberto should’ve known better.

But Pinocchio isn’t the only character this movie got wrong. The talking characters in the story, like the Fox, the Cat, and the Talking Cricket, don’t even look like a Fox, a Cat, or a Cricket. The actors are all in human form! There was no attempt to give them any costumes to make them look like animals. They could’ve done CGI characters, but they didn’t. Even the hideous, squeaking mice in the opening scene were CGI. It’s not that hard.

Now, the production and story are no better off. One of the film’s first scenes has a log bouncing around the village and causing chaos in the style of unfunny slapstick. The cops even take action and try to arrest the log. IT’S A LOG! YOU CAN’T ARREST A LOG! The next thing I’m going to point out is when Pinocchio ditches school, he goes to a play and joins in with other performing “wooden puppets”. They get trapped by puppet master Mangiafuoco after the play, and he’s huge. Like Gulliver’s Travels huge. Pinocchio is seen around the village in normal size and height like the other villagers, but he only appears small in front of Mangiafuoco. That’s another disadvantage of having an adult play Pinocchio. The sizes of the puppets are so inconsistent, that you can tell when they’re using a green screen effect.

And if you listen closely and observe the screen, the dialogue doesn’t match up with the actors’ lip movement. That brings us to the movie’s biggest problem: it was filmed in Italian, but here, IT’S ALL DUBBED IN ENGLISH! YOU DO NOT DO THAT FOR A FOREIGN MOVIE PLAYING IN AMERICAN CINEMAS! BUT THEY DO IT EVEN WORSE ON PINOCCHIO! Seriously, this is the worst dubbing ever done for a movie. The movie’s US distributor, Miramax, admitted that they needed to do post-production looping to insert the English dub for the US release. Why? Did they know that just the sight of an adult playing Pinocchio was going to fail? This only adds onto the problem. You a FIFTY-YEAR OLD Roberto Benigni playing Pinocchio and SOUNDING LIKE THE STONER FROM CLUELESS! You have a Talking Cricket not looking like a cricket and SOUNDING LIKE A MEMBER OF MONTY PYTHON! You have the Fox and the Cat not looking like a Fox or a Cat and SOUNDING LIKE COMEDIANS OF OTHER ETHNICITIES!

I wish I could elaborate more on every other problem, but I made my point clear. This is the worst adaptation of The Adventures of Pinocchio or any other children’s fairy tale book in general. I’m sure Italy was looking to do a remake of a movie based on a story from their country. Heck, I come from an Italian heritage, but I never would’ve trusted the actor that killed the Pink Panther franchise with a wooden project that deserves to be turned into paper.

Score: 0/100

Recommendation: None. I’d even recommend Jonathan Taylor Thomas’s performance in 1996’s The Adventures of Pinocchio before this movie.